sun, masa, rocio
Dear Albright.
I am witing regarding your itinerary, I want to know when you are getting back to office. In addition, I am writing to comfirm whether you are taking the right brochures for the conference. please check some attached information before the conference. It contains many reports for the sales business and the Quoters of client's spreadsheet.
I look forward to hearing your reponse.
Thank you for your consideration.
sun, masa,rocio.
_________________
Dear Albright. (Sally,) Just use her first name followed by a comma, since she is your partner.
I am witing regarding your itinerary,(Use a period, not a comma, here. You have two separate sentences) I want to know when you are getting back to office.
NEW PARAGRAPH In addition, I am writing to comfirm whether you are taking the right brochures for the conference. (If it is possible, please come by the office before you leave to pick them up).
NEW PARAGRAPH (Finally,) please (Please) check some (the) attached information before the conference. It contains many reports for the sales business and the Quoters of client's spreadsheet. (AWKWARD - TRY SOMETHING LIKE THIS: They contain some sales and client information and some technical information.)
I look forward to hearing your reponse.
Thank you for your consideration (Use this with an unknown person you are contacting for the first time).
sun, masa,rocio.
Jonathon's Tips:
1. I know you can see alot of corrections, but overall, your message is actually pretty good. Just fix some basic punctuation and paragraph structure and it will be better next time.
2. The last part, detailing the information you were sending, was improperly summarized. Don't worry about trying to include all the new vocabulary (like quote). Just keep it simple.
3. Just a few minor corrections and this email is ready to go! Good job.
I am witing regarding your itinerary, I want to know when you are getting back to office. In addition, I am writing to comfirm whether you are taking the right brochures for the conference. please check some attached information before the conference. It contains many reports for the sales business and the Quoters of client's spreadsheet.
I look forward to hearing your reponse.
Thank you for your consideration.
sun, masa,rocio.
_________________
Dear Albright. (Sally,) Just use her first name followed by a comma, since she is your partner.
I am witing regarding your itinerary,(Use a period, not a comma, here. You have two separate sentences) I want to know when you are getting back to office.
NEW PARAGRAPH In addition, I am writing to comfirm whether you are taking the right brochures for the conference. (If it is possible, please come by the office before you leave to pick them up).
NEW PARAGRAPH (Finally,) please (Please) check some (the) attached information before the conference. It contains many reports for the sales business and the Quoters of client's spreadsheet. (AWKWARD - TRY SOMETHING LIKE THIS: They contain some sales and client information and some technical information.)
I look forward to hearing your reponse.
Thank you for your consideration (Use this with an unknown person you are contacting for the first time).
sun, masa,rocio.
Jonathon's Tips:
1. I know you can see alot of corrections, but overall, your message is actually pretty good. Just fix some basic punctuation and paragraph structure and it will be better next time.
2. The last part, detailing the information you were sending, was improperly summarized. Don't worry about trying to include all the new vocabulary (like quote). Just keep it simple.
3. Just a few minor corrections and this email is ready to go! Good job.
posted by Business class @ 2:23 PM
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